Appearances

Isaiah 7:10-16    

Matthew 1:18-25        

It is good that we have a Sunday in Advent devoted to remembering Joseph. 

Joseph, the man who is the father – yet is not the father – of Jesus; Joseph, who doesn’t even get a mention in two of the four gospels; Joseph – the man who raised the Son of God.

How he must have struggled with emotion in those early days.  When he learns that the young woman he has chosen for his wife is somehow pregnant.  And he knows it wasn’t him. 

How he must have fought down all kinds of feelings while he struggled to determine how he would respond to this news.  He knew, of course, that the law would support him if he chose to have her publicly exposed and condemned as an adulterous woman.  Because even though they were not yet married, they were betrothed to one another, something that was as good as married in the eyes of God’s law.  So here was evidence that Mary was a sinful woman.  And according to the law, she could be sentenced to death by stoning.  I wonder – was there a streak of vengeance in Joseph’s heart that would have wanted that?

Perhaps, fleetingly.  But the love in his heart was stronger, for instead of throwing himself behind the full weight of the law, he determined that what he would do would be much kinder and more compassionate in nature.  He would quietly break off the engagement.  There would be no high drama, no public accusations. 

It would not be right for him to marry a woman who had already known another man – whoever he might be – it was right that he should let her go.  But at the same time, I think Joseph hoped in his heart that Mary and her child would be all right.  If God is merciful, may she and her unborn child be all right.

Although the gospel doesn’t tell us any of this – how Joseph felt, how he arrived at his decision.  Only that he was a righteous man, and this we can see from his actions. As for the rest, we are only left to imagine.  But couldn’t any man imagine the feelings Joseph must have struggled to contain?  Doesn’t any woman imagine the ordeal Joseph must have suffered?

And while in the thick of this struggle with himself, Joseph is visited by an angel.  The angel is right on time, as angels usually are.  They come when their help is needed – anyone who has ever seen It’s a Wonderful Life knows that – and Joseph clearly needed some help at this point in his life.  He is a righteous man, and righteous men know when they need some wisdom beyond their own. He is faced with carrying out some difficult decisions, the kind of decisions he probably never really thought he would have to make.

Maybe when he was a boy he and the other boys would have hung around and talked about girls.  Maybe, puffing themselves up with pride, they talked a tough game about how they would keep her in line. 

But now Joseph doesn’t feel so tough, so proud.  Real life turns out to be so much messier than we thought it would be.  So an angel arrives to shed a little clarity on the situation, and offer a little comfort and strength. 

And, as angels always do, this one counseled Joseph to not be afraid.  Angels are accustomed to dealing with fearful humans.  It happens to them all the time, whenever they come around.  If you have ever been visited by an angel, the authentic cherubim and seraphim, these unearthly beings, you understand why. 

The angel said to him, “Joseph, it’s all right.  Continue with your plan to marry this woman because this child she is carrying is a miracle.  The Holy Spirit is at work in Mary’s life, and this little one will be the savior of his people.  Do as you had planned; marry this woman because it is God’s desire for you to do so.”

And, just to be helpful, the angel might also have said, “This little boy that Mary is carrying will need a father, like all boys do.  And this woman, Mary will need a partner, like all mothers do.  She will need someone who will protect her and her child, someone she can depend on, someone she can make a family with.  And Joseph, you are the man to do it.  So marry this woman.  Marry her.”

And so when Joseph awoke from his dream he remembered what he had heard from the angel of the Lord, everything; and he may not have known this yet, but his troubles were only just beginning.

Imagine the scandal!  Imagine how this appeared to their friends and neighbors when Joseph married a pregnant virgin (virgin! Yeah, right.)  Imagine how Mary felt!  Luke’s gospel tells about her rapture at hearing the news and her joyful song of glory to God. 

My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has looked with favor on the lowliness of his servant. Surely, from now on all generations will call me blessed. 

And it’s wonderful that Mary was so receptive to this.  But I’m betting that after she had a little time for the reality to sink in, and after she had to think about how she would tell her mom and dad, and after she had the chance to imagine how the neighbors would gawk at her when she started showing…then I wonder how Mary felt.

And imagine how Joseph felt!  Even after the rage or hurt or humiliation or however you would describe the feeling of finding out Mary was pregnant, Joseph would realize he was in for more.   That all the humiliation Mary would experience…every bit of it…he was going to have a share in too.  To all appearances, things looked very bad.  Even though things were not really the way they appeared to be.  Nobody was going to believe their story – were they?

No one was going to say, “Well, now that I think of it, the prophet Isaiah did say that such a thing would happen.”

No one was going to say that. 

I doubt Mary and Joseph even tried to explain it to people.  You can imagine the expressions on faces: disapproval changing to disbelief to ridicule and even pity. 

And this was only the beginning.

We all know that having a baby is only the beginning of a lifelong work.  From that moment forward, for as long as they live, mothers and fathers are traveling through all the ups and downs, the joys and the sorrows of family life.  And if their children die before them, a most unacceptable thing, the loss is always with them.

We never hear another word about Joseph, and I suspect this is, at least in part, the result of a sense of awkwardness, even a sense of shame.  Joseph, more than Mary, probably had to live with the scorn others heaped on him – and the delicate and uneasy position we have left him in, in which we are not sure he is worthy of the title “father.”

May God forgive us for our failures to honor Joseph, a righteous man through and through.  If this world needs anything, it needs more righteous men.

I am glad that we have a Sunday in Advent devoted to Joseph.  We are given an opportunity to see that this family was not just a cardboard cutout.  This family was real, with all the human frailties we know – the struggles, the fears, the joys, and all the uncertainties of life.  This moment with Joseph asks us to contemplate the sheer humanity at the foundation of this mysterious event we prepare for.  This moment with Joseph invites us to recognize the common humanity we share with this holy family.  And we do.

May Joseph be praised as the righteous man he was.  A man who loved the woman God had given him more than he loved his reputation, more than he cared about appearances.

May we know how precious and valuable is the gift Joseph gave to Mary and Jesus, and may we honor all the men and women who make righteous commitments as Joseph did.

And – should you ever be so blessed as to be visited by an angel – may you not be afraid, and please follow the angel’s advice.

Photo: Father and Son. By Adam Jones from Kelowna, BC, Canada - Haredi (Orthodox) Father and Son - Tsfat (Safed) - Galilee - Israel, CC BY-SA 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=35365135