Giving and Receiving

Luke2:22-40

This Sunday we are in the Christmas season, which means that, for the world we live in, Christmas is over.  All around we see the debris of Christmas, while here in the church we’re saying, “At last – we have arrived and we are just getting started!” 

Because there is much more to Christmas than the shopping and the gift exchanging.  It’s after the rush is over that we have the chance to really see that.  This first Sunday of Christmas is a day to get some perspective on it.  This is a good day to get some perspective on giving and receiving. 

I read an article once that said, from an economist’s point of view, Christmas gift giving is irrational.  It said, “ill-chosen gifts caused between $4 billion and $13 billion a year in economic waste.”  I didn’t want to know that.  But I know it’s true, for I have personally been in the position of desperately searching for something – anything – to give to that one person I have absolutely no idea what to give.  Most of us have experienced that.  It’s the reason there are all those end aisle displays of ridiculous stuff, like football helmet chip & dip bowls … grumpy octopus stuffed animals … or the 2020 scented candle – it smells like garbage. No one needs this stuff.

Surely some of the waste comes from the practice of purchasing some gift items to hold in reserve in case you receive an unexpected gift and feel the need to equalize.  So you pull some generic item out of your closet – like a cellophane package of potpourri – and pretend you chose it especially for this person.

But the root of the problem is this sense we have that we must be givers.  It is uncomfortable to be on the receiving end with nothing to give in exchange.  We feel we’re not holding up our end of the bargain. 

I don’t know if Mary and Joseph felt that way, but I wonder.  After the baby was born, they made their way up to the temple in Jerusalem to carry out their religious obligations – to make an offering.  The law required that Mary be ritually purified after the birth, and at that time she make an offering to God. For the people of Israel, it was one of many occasions in life that required an offering to be made.  There were atonement offerings, purification offerings, and thank offerings to name a few. 

This one was most likely a purification offering, also called a sin offering. The Law of Moses says that the offering shall be a year-old lamb – but if the mother cannot afford a lamb she may bring two turtledoves or pigeons.  This is what Mary brought. 

I would imagine that her purification offering was, in a sense, also a thank offering – for who wouldn’t be thankful to safely deliver a healthy baby?  And I also imagine that Mary wished she had more to give.  Wouldn’t she have loved to bring a perfect lamb to offer that day?  She had been given a perfect child – how good it would have made her feel to make such a fine offering in return. 

But she didn’t have a lamb, so she gave what she had to give.

I admire Mary for her dignity and grace.  I know it is the nature of human beings to want to have the upper hand, to be the one who gives more than she gets.  We never want to feel that we owe something to someone.

So we stock extra stuff in our closets – just in case.  And we go to the store and buy what we need and then a little extra – just in case.  And we roam up and down the aisles of the department stores, or scroll through websites, determined to find whatever it takes to even things out, to make sure we won’t be indebted to anyone. 

We have this peculiar way of looking at the world, where everything is a transaction: giving and receiving.  There is power in giving and there is weakness in receiving.  There is power in giving – especially if it is not reciprocated.  And there is weakness in receiving – especially if we are unable to reciprocate.

Of course, we would much rather see ourselves as givers than as receivers.  But the spiritual challenge for people of faith is to let go of that desire for the upper hand, that need for the power, and do just the opposite: to see ourselves as the ones who have received so much more than we could possibly ever repay.

You see, life is not really a transaction.  Life is a gift.

At the temple that day, Mary and Joseph and the baby encountered a man named Simeon.  Simeon had reached an age where he was looking forward to his death.  He was ready – but he knew that there was one more thing that would happen for him before he died, one more gift he would receive.  He would see the salvation of Israel with his own eyes.  And when he saw this little family he knew: He had seen the light of the world in this baby boy.

And Mary and Joseph were amazed by what he said.  I think they knew already that there was something very special about this child, but I wonder what they could understand about it all.  What did Simeon’s words mean to them?  What did the words of the prophet Anna mean to them?

There are times when the gospel tells us that Mary “treasured all these words and pondered them in her heart.”  There were so many things, so many times, when Mary could do nothing but ponder the gift she had been given.

I think that Mary probably didn’t let it bother her that she had only a meager pair of turtledoves to offer at the temple, because she was growing accustomed to being a receiver of inscrutable gifts.  She had born in her body the Son of God, and this had brought her sorrow and discord – but also deep joy, the knowledge that she had been blessed beyond all reason. And that is quite a gift – in a year that had, in some ways, been kind of lousy.

I wonder if we can look at the year 2020 and see any particular gifts we have received in it. It has been a year that was different than usual in so many ways, gifting included. How has your perspective been changed by this year?

I listened to a podcast last week that focused on good stories of 2020. They invited people to call in and leave a message about something good that happened to them this year. I heard everything from, “I got really good at poaching eggs,” to “I discovered my grandmother can play ping pong.” And then there was Nancy’s story.

Nancy has a daughter, Kat, but she and Kat rarely ever spoke to each other. Because once Nancy said something terrible, possibly unforgiveable, to Kat and it broke their relationship. But this year, early one evening, out of the blue, Nancy received a Facetime call from Kat. For no reason. She just wanted to talk. Kat was cooking dinner, and they chatted while she cooked. When she got off the phone, Nancy told her husband, “This is the best day of my life.” In 2020.

The next day at the same time, Kat called again. And the next day and the next day. They have done this every day at 5:00 pm. They cook together and they talk. Nothing deep. Sometimes they are silent for minutes at a time. Nancy said, “The silences are the sweetest…I feel so grateful.” This mother and daughter can finally just be together.

In 2020 Nancy received the most unexpected and priceless gift of her life. It wasn’t a transaction. It was a gift.

So now, as we are in this season of Christmas, at the end of this terrible year, and we take the time to reflect on it, there are a few things you should know.  Know that you are, first and foremost, someone who receives.  Know that there is nothing you can give that equals what you have been given.  But even more, know that that is perfectly all right. 

This is the way God gives to us – gifts we might not even know we need, gifts we cannot anticipate, can never reciprocate, but there’s no need to reciprocate a gift.  Receive it and be grateful. Because a life lived in gratitude is the best response you can give.