Seeing/Believing

 John20:19-31

When it comes to doubts, I have about as many as anyone else does – maybe more. I confess that I have doubts that my children always told me the truth when they were growing up. I sometimes doubt that the doctor really has as much confidence in her diagnosis as she would like me to believe. I have doubts about the weather forecast, often. Sometimes, when I feel ill, I doubt that I will ever feel good again.

Now and then, I doubt that someone likes me as I would wish to be liked. I guess Sally Field had those doubts too, judging from her emotional acceptance speech that time at the Oscars, when she stood in front of the microphone clutching her award. She tearfully cried, “You like me!” As though she could hardly believe it was true.

She needed the proof. We all do sometimes, don’t we? Can we take it on faith that we are really and truly loved? Or do we need to see the evidence?

To take something of great importance on faith is a hard thing to ask of anyone. We need evidence, some assurance of what we hope for, what we need; something to ease our fears. And this is what the disciples of Jesus needed at the end of that harrowing weekend.

The disciples were afraid. They locked themselves into the upper room, hoping the bolt on the door would somehow keep the authorities out, should they come to arrest them too. John says it was the Jews they feared. In some way that was true. They had reason to fear the Jewish authorities who had negotiated with the Romans to hand Jesus over for the sake of what they called “peace.” They had reason to fear ordinary Jews, just like themselves, who might be tempted to give up these followers of Jesus if it would buy them any favors or save them from persecution. It is interesting that John makes no mention of fear of the Romans, but maybe that just goes without saying. It was the Romans who held all the power in those days.

The disciples are afraid, John tells us so. And it is likely they are all feeling doubtful, as well, doubt and fear go hand in hand. Because they have not seen Jesus – yet. Mary saw him in the garden, and she told them so, but did they believe her? probably not.

They are sitting in that room, behind a locked door, all their nerves on edge, despairing and confused. Then Jesus walks right through the door – literally, right through it. He speaks to them, he breathes on them, and now everything is changed.

Thomas, however, was not there. I have no idea where Thomas was, why he wasn’t there. Was he not as afraid as the others? Or was he just sent out to get food? Anything is possible.

But when he arrives, and they tell him what he missed, he is having none of it. Nope. Thomas lets them all know: he was going to have to see it too, and why not? He was simply asking for the same thing the others had received. He was simply voicing the same doubts that all of them had probably felt when Mary told them, “I have seen the Lord.”

So a week later, the following Sunday, Jesus appeared once again. This time it was for Thomas’s sake because Thomas needed the evidence. And so do we.

I have spoken at times during this season about the wish to see Jesus, as we hear about so frequently in the gospels. People were always wanting, wishing, to see him. This wish, it is something we all might have too, maybe buried deep inside of us. Buried, perhaps, because we have doubts that it is even possible. And because we have many other things to think about. Our lives are really very busy with the ordinary things.

It is a wish we might bury deep under layers of fear – because we, too, have plenty of fears that occupy our minds –everything from the fear of how we will pay the bills, to the fear of whether we can do this job anymore, to the fear that we might lose a loved one to sickness, to addiction, or to a rift in the relationship that we can’t seem to mend. There is plenty of fear – fear that blinds us to possibility, robs us of hope, buries our deepest desires.

This is the reason the scriptures so often tell us not to fear: fear can block out all the good things. The power of fear is the power to destroy.

The scriptures also tell us that the antidote to fear is love, and love is what we see in Jesus. When the disciples saw Jesus, all their fears evaporated into thin air. Suddenly, they didn’t need to lock the door anymore. Suddenly, they knew that they had a higher and stronger power than anything that might harm them, because they have seen the Lord, who is the embodied love of God.

This is something we all need. And the good news is it is something we may have.

We may see Jesus, too. It happens in the community of the faithful. It is when we see faith in action. It is in the embrace of the church – the people who come together to proclaim the risen Christ, to share his peace with one another, to offer encouragement and care, strength and healing. A community of ordinary people who come together and do extraordinary things.

The community that practices forgiveness because, without forgiveness, there can be no community.

John fervently urges his readers to believe – and we do believe, but not simply because he tells us to. We believe when we too have seen the resurrected Lord in the community of the faithful, who are his hands, his feet, his heart.

We have our own resurrection stories to tell. We have seen the evidence. It is right here in this room.

Photo by Andrey K on Unsplash