I took my title
today from the classic English novel, Howard’s End. It is a story about two
families, the Wilcoxes and the Schegels. Two families who wind up in a great
dispute about a house, two families whose characters are so different, whose
worldviews and values are so different, they have difficulty even understanding
one another, let alone coming to a resolution about the house.
There is one
character in the story who, alone, seems able to bridge the gap. She pleads
with the others to find a way to connect the head and the heart, the prose and
the passion, the yin and the yang. Only connect the different values and
viewpoints.
She is a Schegel
by birth and a Wilcox by marriage. She stands in the middle of this dispute and
pleads, only connect!
It is a phrase I
have always loved; it holds so much meaning in it. It is the crux of human
relationships.
Today we have
two texts that talk about marriage. And divorce. I did not want to talk to you
about marriage or divorce today, so I cannot explain why I chose these
passages. Nonetheless, here we are.
Because divorce
is on the table in this Mark passage, some context will be helpful to our
understanding. The Pharisees pose a question to Jesus that is a test – in more
ways than one. They know that the law of Israel allows for divorce, and it goes
like this: If a man finds himself dissatisfied with his wife, he may write her
a certificate of divorce, hand it to her and send her away. Done. There is not,
by the way, a provision for a wife to do the same. But, I hope you noticed,
Jesus says there ought to be.
Given this, the
Pharisees have spent untold energy and time parsing the law. What, they wonder,
would be an acceptable degree and kind of dissatisfaction? Could a man divorce
his wife because she burned the dinner one night? Or if she burned the dinner
every night? What if she refused to make him dinner? Moses wasn’t clear on the
details, so it’s up for interpretation. Which is something the Pharisees loved
to spend their time doing.
In some ways,
working through these problems of interpretation probably felt like a game to
the Pharisees, but there is no doubt in my mind that for the people of Israel
this was a fraught subject. There were people in their midst who had been
impacted by divorce and knew very well the pain that swelled around it. In
fact, right in the very context in which Jesus was speaking, there was the
relationship of the ruler, Herod Antipas and his wife Herodias. They divorced
their respective spouses, so they could marry each other. John the Baptist was
beheaded as a result of his criticism of them. It was a touchy subject, and
surely it was on people’s minds.
But Jesus
doesn’t play the parsing games, nor does he shy away from hot topics. He tries
to draw their focus in a slightly different direction. Divorce is legal, for
some very good reasons, but that doesn’t mean it is God’s hope and desire for
humankind. There is a certain tension between these things: it is legal, and it
is painful.
I think everyone
who has been affected in some way by divorce knows these things to be true.
People enter into marriage with joy and hope for a beautiful life together. If
these hopes are shattered, there will be pain. There will be sorrow. It is true
that these individuals may be better off divorced, but it is also true that they
may feel like something wonderful has been lost.
Jesus goes back
to the book of Genesis, Chapter 2, where God created a companion for the first human,
because humans were not meant to be alone. God made us for relationship, and so
there is marriage.
And, I would
add, there is friendship. And there is siblingship and parenthood – all of
these are powerful, meaningful kinds of human relationships. And the severing
of any of these ties is painful. There is suffering when the bonds of
relationship break.
The problem is, that
is what humans do, again and again. We hurt one another, we fail to understand
one another or help one another in important ways. We are unable to reach
across a gap and really communicate – only
connect – with one another.
Mother Teresa once
said, “If we have no peace it is because we have forgotten that we belong to
each other.” Notice her words. We belong to each other – this suggests that
there is an equality, a mutuality which is the ideal for all relationship. Each
one of us is made in God’s image.
At last, Adam said. Bone
of my bone, flesh of my flesh; here is someone like me. Each one of us is a
beloved child of God. Each one of us is deserving of love, honor, and dignity.
In all kinds of
human relationship, there is the need for mutual care, compassion, curiosity.
And when any of these things are lacking there is the potential for a severing
of the relationship. Divorce.
I think it is
clear in the Genesis story, as it is clear in the words of Jesus, that God’s
hope, God’s intention, is for humans to live in harmony. With mutual
appreciation. With care for the needs of others. All the others – even the
children, as Jesus makes so clear in this passage.
Many times, we
fall short, as we do in all things. Sometimes, a relationship needs to end.
Sometimes, divorce brings healing, even though it is not the way anyone hoped
it would turn out.
In the
beginning, God made us for partnership, for unity, for love.
Today is World
Communion Sunday, which is something that began out of recognition that the
world is failing in these ways. Failing to connect, failing to care for and
appreciate one another. On this one day out of the year we are meant to
remember that God created all of humankind in God’s image, that God made us to
be partners for one another, creating a great web of connection. God desires
unity for all the diverse and beautiful kinds of people in the world.
And let us also
remember that we who are the church, the body of Christ, have a special calling
to lead the way.
Let us remember
that we belong to each other. Not just one Sunday a year, but every day.
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