One Needful Thing

Luke 10:38-42

This story of Martha and Mary is a favorite for me. There is so much that resonates, and I know I am not alone. I have heard some of you voice similar appreciation for it. Or maybe something other than appreciation.

It wouldn’t be wrong to say that I have a love-hate relationship with it, and maybe you do too.

It's a story that seems to say that what we believed was good is actually bad; what we thought was right is really wrong. That the things we have been taught by our parents are just the opposite of what they should have been teaching us.

“Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things, but few things are needed—indeed only one. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her.”

Dear Martha, you who see the work that needs to be done, and is in there doing it, you have missed the mark. But your sister Mary, who sits here idly, even while her help is needed, has made the right choice.

We resist this teaching for many reasons, including just how impractical it is. Like it or not, there is work to be done. Now who is going to do it?

Martha, the hyper-responsible sister – the older sister, I’m going to assume. The gospel doesn’t get into birth order with Mary, Martha, and their brother Lazarus, But I think, possibly, Martha’s picture is in the dictionary definition of “Older Sister.” Martha can’t not see the work that needs to be done. It is not in her nature. In the same way, she cannot help but do this work, and she is kind of ticked off that she isn’t getting the help she needs. She is mad at Mary, because it is Mary’s responsibility to pitch in and work alongside her. 

So when Martha can’t take another second of this, she walks out of the kitchen and into the other room – where I grew up, people called it the “front room,” the place where you entertained guests. Whatever it was, Martha stepped out there, looked at Mary sitting at the feet of the Jesus. And at this point, Martha engages in what I have heard referred to as “the ancient family practice of indirect speech.” Which is something the professionals call “triangulation,” dragging a third person into your dispute. To sort of spread the tension around a little bit more. I remember learning about this in seminary. I was confused to hear it called an unhealthy communication technique. I thought that’s just what families did.

Here is how Martha does it. Martha is mad. And it is Mary’s fault. So Martha complains to Jesus.

Poor Martha is at a bit of a loss. She has a lot of pressure on her. She knows what she needs. She just doesn’t know how to get it.

And Jesus’ response to her just doesn’t seem at all helpful. “Martha, Martha – you worry so much! Can’t you see that there is only one thing needed? One needful thing?”

That kind of stings. And then, to make it even worse, he adds that Mary has chosen that one needful thing. This just might not be making any sense to Martha, as she considers the chopping and pureeing and sautéing that is waiting for her in the kitchen.

And, quite honestly, Jesus’s words might not make sense to us either.

And we might be tempted to dismiss them.

There are many things that can be said about this little story – and I have said many of them at other times. Like so many biblical stories, this one has many facets, and if we turn it slightly in a new direction we may see something else. We can look at the relationship between these two sisters. We can look at Jesus, what he does and says and how it makes sense. We can think about it in terms of the contemplative life and the active life. We can have opinions about who is wrong and who is right. But right now I want to turn my attention to Martha.

Martha is a decisive woman. She knows exactly what she needs and what she needs to be doing. It's an admirable trait; it enables Martha to be a very accomplished woman; someone others can depend on. Martha is probably the one everyone turns to. But in this case, considering who else is in the room, perhaps that is precisely Martha's problem.

I have been doing quite a bit of reading for the seminar I am attending this week, most of it drawing from various portions of the gospels. One of the authors I read touched on this story briefly, and one thing he said really got me thinking. "Martha's problem is that, for all her welcoming of Jesus, she is just too busy with her own life to pay impractical attention to somebody who isn't about to give her the kind of help she thinks she needs."

Martha has not taken the time to sit with Jesus, perhaps because she has judged that Jesus will not give her the kind of help she needs. Because Martha thinks she knows just exactly what kind of help she needs.

For me, today, this is about prayer. That Martha had no time for someone who wasn’t going to give her the help she thinks – she knows – that she needs, makes me ask: is this exactly what we are doing when we bring our needs to God in prayer? 

Prayer is fundamental to a life of faith. It is about communication with God, about developing, growing a relationship with God. The way we pray is then an expression of our relationship with God. I have a niece who told me she likes to keep it real casual, like, “Hey God. It’s Claire. How’s it going? How about giving me a hand here?” Her mom told her she’s being disrespectful. I told her I think God is cool with it.

But aside from the particular language we use, there are other considerations when it comes to prayer. What do we bring into this relationship with God, with Jesus? Do we bring an agenda? A lot of foregone conclusions and preformed opinions? Do we know what the answer is before we ask God for guidance? 

I was in a conversation once with a woman about a problem she had been struggling with. I think I probably suggested that she pray about it. She said to me, “Oh, I have spent a lot of time praying about this. The problem is I haven’t had the time to listen.” 

When you haven’t had the time to listen, have you really been praying?

I know that my prayers too often sound like Martha when she says, “Jesus, don’t you care that Mary has left me with all the work?” 

“Jesus, why won’t you tell her to not be like that?” Jesus, why won’t you make him see things differently?” Jesus, my life would be just fine if other people all came around to my way of thinking; why won’t you fix them?”

Jesus, when will you get on board with my plan?

The story has been told that, during the Civil War, President Lincoln was approached by someone who shared with him that it was their fervent prayer that God be on the Union’s side in the war. And Lincoln’s response was, “My concern is not whether God is on our side; my greatest concern is to be on God’s side, for God is always right.”

But for many of us, perhaps Martha also, we are quite clear about what is right and what is wrong. We pay attention. We are good at keeping the books, tracking the debits and credits and knowing who is to blame when something goes wrong. Someone is always to blame, we think. That is how you address a problem and make things better, we think.

And that is an approach that works well very often in this world. In this world, it is powerful to know what you need and want, and to go after it. The conventional wisdom says to keep your eye fixed on your goal, on what you desire, never losing sight of it, and the promise is that by sheer force of will, it will happen. 

Never mind all the casualties left along the side of the road. And, believe me, there will be plenty of casualties when we approach life that way.

Perhaps in the realm of God, there is a better way. To pause. Listen. Wait for the answer, and the gift, to be placed in your hands. 

I know it is uncomfortable to not know. It is hard to refrain from judging every situation, assigning blame, getting angry at the ones who are at fault. It is difficult to stay in that gray area where you sometimes feel kind of lost. But if you are lost, you’re not alone there. None of us are alone, as we wait and listen to see what Jesus will place in our hands.

There isn’t anything wrong with knowing what you want. And there is nothing wrong with making plans, and praying for certain outcomes. God is open and wiling to hear all our prayers. So let us offer them up to God – all our hopes and dreams and desires. But let us also listen, for as Jesus said, that is the one needful thing.